Once my DH and I decided to move forward with surrogacy, I started to dread sharing the news. How would our children, family, and friends react? I was confident that my family would be supportive…. But one never knows for sure!
We started with my family, and thankfully I have received an enormous amount of support. They all know why I have chosen to do this, and have thus far been incredible…whew!
Next up, the kiddos. I started the concept of surrogacy in the car one morning on the way to school. It went something like this.
Me: “Did you guys know that there are some ladies out there, that their bodies don’t work right, and they can’t grow a baby? When this happens, sometimes other ladies will grow the baby in their tummy until they are ready to be born, and then the baby will go back to its Mommy and Daddy.”
My then 9 year old: “Umm…. Can we have this talk when I’m 20?”
Clearly I was going to need a slightly different approach! A few days later (again, in the car), I was able to ask my 9 year old to be serious for a minute. I told him that I needed him to think about what I had mentioned the other morning, because dad and I intended to help someone start their family. He looked at me for a minute then said, “So basically a doctor will transplant someone’s baby into your belly, you will grow it, give birth to it, then give it back to its parents?” Wow…he gets it!! I confirmed that this was the plan. Again he looked at me, and said, “I think that’s nice. Maybe if I were a girl, I would want to help someone like that too.” WOW!!!! What a guy! The younger 2 also get the concept, and are thus far in a good place with it.
I have had only one negative reaction…it came from an in-law. She believes that this is too risky, and has stated that you “make someone a sweater, not a baby.” I find those words to be short sided and unkind, yet not unexpected from the source.
I am so grateful that I have so many supportive and positive people in my life!
The path to surrogacy is filled with many go, stop, hurry-up, and waits. It starts with the initial submitting of an application, gathering all your documentation of previous pregnancies, meeting with your program directors, and completing all your screening (the time frame on this varies, for myself it took several months due to waiting for available appointments with my physicians). Then you wait to be matched, luckily for me this went quickly. Next up is contracts. This process can take a while due to complexities of meeting the needs of all parties.
I find it necessary to keep busy during these times of waiting. I start with praying for patience! I take my prenatal and exercise. Currently I am doing small projects around the house. Projects I will not be doing once I am actively carrying someone’s child, such as painting a room. I am also doing some landscaping, as I really enjoy “playing in the dirt”! Once a day I will go to different online communities that are geared to the surrogate community. I have been able to do a considerable amount of research on these “boards,” and as a result I feel better prepared for the surrogacy process. I currently am what is called a “lurker,” meaning that I read the posts, but don’t actively participate in them.
So for now, I will return to my yard, plant a garden, and continue praying for patience!
Last fall we started on the path to help a wonderful couple start a family through surrogacy. There were many medical appointments I had to go to to become a surrogate: blood work, and ultrasounds, as well as multiple daily injections of hormones. I felt great, and everything was looking positive. In December we transferred embryos, and then waited. 2 weeks later I received a phone call from the intended parents’ Physician, letting me know that the lab work indicated that the transfer failed. I wasn’t pregnant. I was crushed. My heart ached for my intended parents, knowing all that they had been through before surrogacy, and then, another failed attempt at parenthood. We had discussed what would come next, and had planned to try again in a couple months. A couple months passed, then one morning I was incredibly shocked to be informed by my IM (Intended Mother) that they were not intending to pursue surrogacy any longer do to emotional difficulties surrounding their loss. Again, I was crushed. I do consider my first IP’s to be friends of mine, and wish them a wonderful future and family.
I spoke with the fantastic staff at Family Formation law offices after realizing that my reason for wanting to become a surrogate has not changed. I still want to do an amazing thing that will forever make a difference in somebody’s life. Within a few weeks I was informed of several possible matches, and will be meeting with potential IP’s this next week. I find myself optimistically nervous. I think of this first meeting, and feel that it is somewhat like a first date. Will they like us? Will we like them? Will we share a similar vision for this experience? I certainly hope so, and have nothing but positive feelings going forward in this adventure!
This blog is intended to be a peek at the process of surrogacy, including all the ups, downs, joys, pains, twists, and turns of our journey.
Initially I feel that I need to introduce myself. I have been married to my husband for nearly 14 years, and together we have 3 incredible, lively children and an active life. We have been extremely blessed in our lives, and within our family. This last year, it has become increasingly important for us to share our blessings with others.
The first time I heard of surrogacy was nearly 10 years ago. I had just delivered my first child, and had seen a documentary. I remember at the time, talking with my husband, stating that I could see myself doing this for someone, someday. Someday came 9 years later, after completing our family, my return to school, career change, and life altering illness of a parent. I had not given any thought to surrogacy during that time.
Last summer, while at work, I saw a flyer posted in our break room. Someone I work with was looking for a surrogate. I normally see this individual every few months, so I was pleasantly surprised when they came in later that day. I was able to ask about the need for the surrogate, and how they found Family Formation law offices (which was referred to them by their Physician). My interest was sparked! This was something that I could do, an amazing choice that will forever make a difference in someone’s life! I talked with my husband about my intent, and he has been wonderfully supportive of this choice.
As you research surrogacy programs and assisted reproduction attorneys, always check for membership in professional organizations which are exclusive, carry high ethical standards, and are self-regulating. These include the American Academy of Assisted Reproductive Technology Attorneys and the Academy of California Family Formation Lawyers. Compare this with membership in the California Bar Association, which is mandatory, and the American Bar Association which is not by invitation.
We were sad to see today that any attorney would engage in baby-selling. Theresa Erickson, a California assisted reproduction attorney who was never a member of AAARTA or ACFFL, has plead guilty to multiple counts of baby-selling involving surrogacy and the Ukraine.
We are members of both AAARTA and ACFFL, have been in business nearly 30 years, and during this time have maintained the highest ethical standards and work product–second to none. Our reputation and credentials are impeccable. Call our office today for a complementary consultation and to learn more about how we can help build your family.
You need an experienced adoption attorney who can ensure you’re complying with the laws of the birth mother’s state as well as your own. For instance, some states don’t allow birth mother expenses to be paid directly the birth mother; others put strict limits on the amount that can be paid and for what purpose. The danger is that the money you spend may be deemed as inducement for the birth mother to place which can undo your adoption by invalidating her consent.
You don’t want to violate the Indian Child Welfare Act which requires inquiry into whether the birth mother or presumed father is an eligible member of a Native American tribe. Notice to each federally registered tribe may be required. If not done correctly and there is membership, the tribe may invalidate the adoption up until the day it is finalized.
If you’re adopting a child from another state, you must comply with the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children. This complicated, paperwork-heavy process can be daunting if you haven’t done it before. Errors on or submission of incomplete paperwork could significantly delay finalizing your adoption.
An experienced adoption attorney knows how to identify the legal status of the child’s father, how to obtain his consent or waiver, and most important, knows how to get a court order dispensing with his consent. Failure to obtain legally binding court orders with respect to all potential birth fathers’ parental rights could undo your adoption should the birth father contest the adoption.
If you’re thinking about placing a child for adoption or want more information about how we can help you build your family through adoption, contact our office today for a complementary 15 minute consultation.
We have been working with surrogates and intended parents for over 25 years and have found that many surrogates who advertise their services on the internet have already been rejected by other programs. Once a potential surrogate understands the reasons why she doesn’t meet a program’s criteria, she might alter the information provided to potential parents so that she will meet with their approval. It’s difficult for intended parents who are new to the process to understand how to conduct their due diligence. Intended parents aren’t neutral parties and might not be willing to reject a potential surrogate for reasons which are obvious to an experienced screener. Our staff has combined experience of nearly 50 years, screening surrogates and quickly identifying potential legal, medical and insurance issues, the purpose of which is to protect not just the intended parents but the surrogate and her family as well.
Intended parents should question why a surrogate wants to do go through the surrogacy process on her own when the compensation and benefits they require aren’t markedly different from a program like ours. Perhaps the entrepreneurial spirit camouflages those who don’t take instruction or believe they can find a better way to do things.
Be sure to ask your tax professional about adoption tax credits. If you adopted a special needs child or have expenses associated with an adoption that did not go through, you may qualify for adoption tax credits. Check out our other blog postings about this topic. You might also find this article interesting–found on CNNMoney, it’s about waiting for adoption tax credit refunds from the IRS. Don’t expect that check to arrive via overnight mail!
Our offices have helped thousands of families find children to adopt. We do all the legal work necessary and can even help if you’ve already identified an adoption situation. Contact us today to schedule a complimentary consultation and find out how we can help you realize your dream of having a family.
Adopting a stepchild in California can be a relatively easy process. If there’s one really challenging aspect to stepparent adoption, it’s most likely going to be obtaining consent from the absent parent. You might be nervous about contacting your child’s absent parent. Maybe you haven’t seen that parent in years and are afraid of the response you might get. Maybe you’re certain the absent parent will refuse to consent. All of the fears are common and understandable, and the main reason why you should consider working with an attorney to process your stepparent adoption. When you work with us, you won’t have to deal with the absent parent. We will do this for you. Our offices are experts in working with absent parents, many times obtaining consent from the most ardent refusals. In the alternative, we always explore the real possibility of getting a court order to terminate the absent parent’s rights so your stepparent adoption can go forward. We would be happy to talk with you about your situation and how we might help. Call our offices for a 15-minute complementary consultation. And visit our Stepparent Adoption page for more information and FAQs.
PFC is seeking women between the ages of 21 and 42, with a BMI between 18 and 32, and who have had no more than 2 previous failed IVF cycles to participate in a study to determine the value of combining traditional Chinese medicine, including acupuncture, with IVF. You may contact them at (415) 834-3095 to see if you qualify. Or visit PFC by clicking here.
Our offices are always seeking exceptional surrogates who want to help another couple have a child. Contact us today for more information.
